Your Pet to ‘Thrive’ on Lab-Grown Meat, Government Must Subsidize Industry, Plea Technocrats

For the technocrats’ tastes, domestic terrorist doggies and kitties have been living high on the hog for far too long — particularly given that they contribute nothing of value to Blackrock’s bottom line!

They have no economic utility whatsoever to multinational corporations!

What are they even allowed to live, much less eat meat?

All they do is enhance the quality of life and provide some solace to the peasants, more useless eaters, after all. And that’s what pharmaceuticals are for.

Thankfully Bill Gates and Co. is here to fix pets’ disgusting meat dependence — and milk a few bucks out of them via “lab meat” in the process — before they make their final move on the sun and clean up biological life as we know at large.

Related: Supercomputer Given Authority to Decide Whether to Block Out Sun For Climate Change

Lucy McCormick of highly trustworthy corporate state media outlet The Guardian explains, in the context of promoting it for the world’s pets, wants her readers to understand that lab meat is just like that sourdough bread you baked during COVID lockdowns, not artificial at all; “biologically it is meat”.

Via The Guardian (emphasis added):

“Lab-grown meat may sound futuristic, but the process is actually straightforward. It starts with the harvesting of a small number of animal cells, then the cells are fed essential nutrients to help them replicate and grow, similar to a yeast culture on a petri dish. But unlike a whole living animal, there are fewer limitations on size, there are no welfare concerns, and the setup does not require such vast land, water and energy resources.

Talk of growing meat in a lab often makes people feel uncomfortable. In a world of genetic modification, E numbers and ultra-processing, we have learned that artificial equals bad. But lab-grown meat is not an artificial food; biologically it is meat. The difference is simply the method – a method not unfamiliar to anyone who nursed a sourdough starter during lockdown…

Lab-grown meat provides a purer meat product that is free from infection and is genuinely cruelty-free. More than this, lab-grown meat is an important solution to the unsustainable environmental impact of a booming industry. According to estimates from the European Environment Agency, lab-based meat cultivation uses 45% less energy than traditional beef farming; if powered by renewable energy, research suggests a 92% reduction in overall greenhouse gas emissions, plus water and land use reductions of 78% and 95% respectively. Doggy dinner time has significant real-world consequences.”

(Dollars to doughnuts that, somehow, whether through some board seat at some tech firm or speaking engagement, now or in the future, this bitch is getting paid to disseminate this propaganda.)

Speaking of ulterior motives, eventually in this tirade, after all the prerequisite guilt-tripping about carbon dioxide and whatever is out of the way, Lucy is kind enough to arrive at the punchline: it’s time to funnel some serious cash money from the government to these lab meat producers to prop the industry up that otherwise would, and currently has, failed in the free market.

Continuing:

“Against this backdrop, the UK’s departure from the EU may provide an upside. The question then is: how quickly can we benefit? As the nascent industries in Europe and the US become embroiled in regulatory tangles and face down the wrath of God – or at least of the Republican party – the UK has an opportunity to profit from an industry on the brink of an economic boom.

To do so, government action is needed – and regulatory approval was only the first step. The next challenge is reducing the cost of production. Meatly, the UK-based pet food business granted approval for their product in July, have made significant progress in increasing the yields from their starter cells (or “culture medium”) but they are not yet producing at commercially viable levels. To help get lab-grown pet food on to shelves worldwide, the British government should throw its weight behind the fledgling industry, providing financial assistance to aid research and development.”

So what we have here is a hearty main course of techno-fascism, with a side dish of alleged environmentalism.

According to the ideologues at Earth.com, Fifi is going to absolutely “thrive” on her new government-funded techno-slop, because (probably industry-funded) studies said so.

Via Earth.com (emphasis added):

“Meeting a pet’s nutritional needs fundamentally involves supplying adequate protein, amino acids, vitamins, and minerals, rather than providing specific meat sources. As researchers have found, pets can thrive on meticulously formulated plant-based diets.

Several studies completed by late 2024 suggest dogs and cats can thrive on vegan meals. In certain cases, these diets may lead to improvements in areas such as obesity control and allergic responses.

Furthermore, investigations into feeding behavior indicate that pets generally accept vegan meals as readily as they do meat-based ones, based on measures of excitement and enjoyment.”

“Thrive”!

When the social credit score hits, for sure there’s going to be a metric for how much CO2 your dog or cat consumes as measured by some corrupt nerd on the industry payroll, which will come with penalties.

On the bright side, we’re still theoretically allowed to have pets — yeah, they’ll definitely die when the liberal and loving government veganizes them, but we can theoretically still keep them until they die.

And we can all, human and pet alike, breathe air.

For now.

Related: Study: The Science™ Pins Climate Change™ on Human Breathing

Ben Bartee is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

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