A Brave New Maxim For a Brave New World

“What country before ever existed a century and half without a rebellion? And what country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance…
What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.”
-Thomas Jefferson

Against the backdrop of the recent lawfare scam perpetrated by the state against the leading oppositional presidential candidate — the stuff of banana republics, America now being reduced to in essence a Third World nation — this gem from The Smut Peddlers, albeit not eloquent enough for the Founders’ well-bred tastes, seems more apropos than ever.

The crass lyrics about smoking in no-smoking zones and refusing to wear a helmet in defiance of local laws because they’re for communist fags — entertaining if lacking in profundity — essentially boil down to the titular message: “Because Fuck You, That’s Why.”

At some point — now that the rulemakers have essentially conceded their rules are arbitrary and maliciously enforced based on political considerations — the time has passed for rational debate.

Had we adopted The Smut Peddlers philosophy in 2020, for instance, when we were being henpecked to mask our faces in a worldwide quasi-religious BDSM ritual completely devoid of any practical prophylactic value, things may have gone very differently. Silent acquiescence served as affirmative consent, so they pushed it to the limit just to see what they could get away with.

And, God knows, get away with a lot they did in the name of Public Health™.

 

Have we learned anything?

When your six-year-old’s public school guidance counselor demands to know why he won’t register his preferred pronouns with the government, you could painstakingly explain that you are teaching him to subscribe to reality-based biology, for example that X and Y chromosomes exist and little boys have wee-wees and little girls have vee-vees like she (the green-haired guidance counselor with a doctorate in Navajo Diaspora Studies) is the six-year-old in the situation — a conversation that could take hours and would likely result in your referral to the FBI for domestic terrorism anyway no matter how civil or rational.

Or you could cut to the chase…

“Because fuck you, that’s why”

Enough with the religious exemptions and proofs of natural immunity!

How to best respond when the manager asks “Why, submissive Techno-Serf #693582094, won’t you allow our Thank God It’s Friday™ hostess to scan your forehead implant to ensure you’re up to date on your vaccinations pursuant to Health Code 666 before you can be seated?”

“Because fuck you, that’s why”

And fuck Thank God It’s Friday™ Frankenfood anyway! There’s a dumpster buffet out back that’s free and just as good. No forehead scan required.

Ben Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile, is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

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