Lindsey Graham’s Primary Fight Heats Up

Eternal shame of South Carolina and sitting Senator Lindsey Graham — the childless, *alleged* (no lawsuits, please) closeted homosexual recently photographed traipsing through Disneyworld with a two-foot fairy wand in hand as respite from his day job of experiencing explosive, toe-curling wargasms on cable news — is up for re-election.

Lindsey Graham, giddy with bloodlust, indecently squirts himself on Fox News

Until a few days ago, the South Carolina Senate primary was effectively a three-way race between Graham, businessman Mark Lynch, and Paul Dans, author of Project 2025.

On April 10, Dans, citing campaign finance issues, dropped out and threw his weight behind Lynch.

Via NBC News:

“Republican Paul Dans, who oversaw the conservative policy blueprint known as Project 2025, announced Friday that he is ending his primary campaign against Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., and backing another candidate in the race.

Dans, noting he was recently endorsed by conservative commentator Tucker Carlson, wrote in a post on X that he was dropping out of the race “because we cannot Make America Great Again until Lady Graham is taken out of office. @MarkLynchSC has the resources to make that happen.”

Dans launched his campaign last year, telling NBC News that he was running because “we need to have a government of, by and for the people, again. Not by swamp critters like Lindsey Graham.”

But Dans struggled to raise money for his campaign, pulling in nearly $630,000 last year as Graham, who is seeking a fifth Senate term, raised more than $19 million. Mark Lynch, a businessman, has been self-funding his run, loaning his campaign $5 million last year…

“South Carolinians deserve a God-fearing, conservative businessman to fight alongside President Trump against the powers of evil that have such a tight grip on career politicians, not a traitorous, back-stabbing flimsy flip flopper like Lindsey Graham who pretends to put America first when the next election comes around,” Lynch said when he launched his campaign last year.”

According to some polls, last month, before Dans dropped out, Graham was up by 20-40 points on Lynch.

However, in a poll by Pulse Opinion Research in mid-March, Lynch outperformed Graham in an “informed ballot” — meaning the voters in the poll are briefed on the candidates’ respective records before casting their ballot.

In other words, the more voters know about the Disney princess and *alleged* (no lawsuits, please) closeted homosexual representing South Carolina in the U.S. Senate, the less impressed they become.

Related: Watch Lindsey Graham Get Booed at Trump Rally in His Own State

No further public polling has emerged since March — the details of which could be interesting, given the potential consolidation of the anti-Graham vote behind Lynch combined with the “informed ballot” phenomenon.

Is Mark Lynch an optimal candidate to knock off the decadent, rabid (alleged) fruitcake who has somehow occupied Congress for 23 years?

My default assumption (which is vindicated in 98.3% of cases) is that any politician willing to claw his way through the muck to become a viable candidate for nationally elected office — considering all of the self-debasement, donor fellatio and lowest-common-denominator pandering that the journey usually entails —is a shameless prostitute for special interests.

I have no real reason to believe that description doesn’t apply to Mark Lynch, though I’d be glad to let him prove otherwise.

-----------------------------------------

[If you appreciate Armageddon Prose, please consider a $5/month or $50/year Substack subscription or a one-time digital “coffee” donation. For alternative means of patronage, email benbartee@protonmail.com.]

------------------------------------------

Because they almost always end up disappointing, I have to see a politician in action for a good long while — as in, years — before I’m willing to hitch my wagon to them, as it were.

Occasionally you get a Ron Paul outlier who slips through the cracks into the House — but they generally get run out of town pretty quickly, or else leave of their own volition out of disgust.

All that to say: even if Lynch turns out to be a disappointment, it’s almost literally impossible that he could be worse than Lindsey Graham.

Were it possible to switch Dick Cheney’s bloated corpse official residence to South Carolina, doll up whatever is left of the flesh with a taxidermy and a fresh coat of paint, run it in the primary, get it elected, and roll it out onto the Senate floor to abstain from every vote its entire term because it’s inanimate, I’d prefer that to another Lindsey Graham term.

If you’re interested, the campaign site:

Mark Lynch for Senate

Also, an opposition research dump — not that it takes much work to dig up the dirt, in that his entire career is a self-indictment

Dumplindsey.co

Benjamin Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile (now available in paperback), is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

Follow AP on X.

Subscribe (for free) to Armageddon Prose and its dystopian sister, Armageddon Safari.

Support AP’s independent journalism with a one-off, hassle-free “digital coffee” tip or Patreon.

Bitcoin public address: bc1qvq4hgnx3eu09e0m2kk5uanxnm8ljfmpefwhawv