Is Michelle Obama a Man? Let's Survey the Evidence With an Open Heart and Mind

*The original version of this article misidentified Joan Rivers as "Joan Walsh." The error has been fixed. 

Back in 2014, beloved icon Joan Rivers – jokingly or not – once flippantly told reporters that Michelle Obama is a "t****y," a two-syllable word for transgenders that rhymes with "uncanny."

I hesitate to reprint here because I was suspended multiple times on Facebook for using it to describe individuals with purple hair who are confused about their biological sex.

Via CNN:

"Who needs Fourth of July fireworks when you have Joan Rivers around?

The comedian known for her lack of self-censoring recently officiated a same-sex wedding and was asked by a photographer if she believed the United States would ever see the first gay or female president. Her response was typical Rivers.

'We already have it with Obama, so let’s just calm down,' she said. 'You know Michelle (Obama) is a trans.'

When asked to further explain Rivers said, 'A transgender. We all know it.'"

Curiously, CNN claimed that Rivers said "Michelle is a trans" instead of what she actually said, "Michelle is a t****y."

Eerily enough, that same year, like a Clinton associate who falls out of favor with the palace, Rivers ended up dead, reportedly due to complications from surgery.

The odd timing caused enough stir that PolitiFact took the time to "debunk" the alleged correlation between the two events.

Do with that what you will.

Alex Jones, for his part, believes that the connection is very real.

Leftists responded to Jones' speculation the only way they know how: with the trifecta accusation of transphobia, misogyny, and racism. Via PinkNews:

"Jones released a 12-minute clip which analyses photos and videos of the Obamas. He points to her “very wide shoulders” and her “very masculine” face as significant proof of his theory.

He also explains that former president Obama would often refer to his wife as “Michael” on-camera, a slip-up that apparently shows that she was previously a man who’d since changed her name and “dressed up” as a woman.

People pointed out though that the clips where former president Obama said “Michael” could have referred to anyone, and there is no way of knowing who was being discussed at the time.

The video starts with Jones reading out a story which concerned a “racist” cartoon about the “masculine” Michelle Obama being compared to “pageant-ready Melania Trump”. He says: “This is a funny cartoon. It’s not racist to say she looks like a man.”

Black women have often been targeted with comments about masculinity, which are considered to be racist and discriminatory."

Is this one of those "thou dost protest too much" situations?

Here is Obama referring to Michelle as "Michael":

Slip of the tongue? Perhaps.

The counterargument would be that Obama simply misspoke or misread his pre-written notes, seeing "Michelle" and mistaking it for "Michael." But then again, he was aware that he was talking about his wife, no? I've never called my wife the male equivalent of her name. If I did, I suppose I would immediately realize my mistake and correct it.

Then there's the Obama biographer who claims to have seen letters from the former president back in the day in which he expressed fantasies about making love to men – which are now reportedly under lock and key at Emory University.

It sure would be a shame if someone managed to obtain those letters.

The rest of the circumstantial evidence, compelling or not, of Michelle Obama actually being a transgender beard for Barack Obama is mostly videos and images of Michelle in various public appearances with what appears to be a sizeable bulge, along with pics of her impressive back physique, plus the fact that neither of their kids look like the biological products of Barack inseminating his all-natural fronthole wife Michelle.

Exhibits A, B, C, and D:

https://twitter.com/Liana53160/status/1666990508814766086

https://twitter.com/goddeketal/status/1669343168507285504

https://twitter.com/goddeketal/status/1669343168507285504?t=rSBJu60M-tGD0Mh28ggUFg&s=03

Journalistic integrity, of course, in addition to Occam's Razor, compels me to acknowledge that none of this is dispositive. The only "smoking gun," of course, would be a snapshot of Michelle's alleged penis, documentation confirming her (his) status as a man, etc. So please don't sue me for defamation or whatever, Mr. President.

Ben Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile, is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

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