In Memoriam: Democrat Capos Lick Dick Cheney’s Boots

The unindicted, unrepentant war criminal Dick Cheney, you may have heard, kicked the bucket earlier this week.

(True to form as some strange breed of hobgoblin dispatched by His Father from the underworld to menace humanity, Cheney, by the time of his passing, had actually already been semi-undead for fifteen years with no pulse, with an implanted medical device that circulated blood throughout his body. So, rather than “Cheney died,” it might be more accurate to say “Cheney recently completed the slowest metamorphosis in human history as he passed into his final form, released at last back into His Father’s custody to roam Hades sodomizing and waterboarding to his heart’s content.”)

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On cue, every major Democrat leader came out of the woodwork to fellate the late degenerate in the most obsequious terms imaginable, up to and including whoever handles press affairs for the vegetable that allegedly served as president for the past four years:

“Guided by a strong set of conservative values, Dick Cheney devoted his life to public service — from representing Wyoming in Congress, to serving as Secretary of Defense, and later as Vice President of the United States. While we didn’t agree on much, he believed, as I do, that family is the beginning, middle, and end. Jill and I send our love to his wife Lynne, their daughters Liz and Mary, and all of their grandchildren.”

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Likely working off of some template from the bowels of some DC think tank, all the Democrat capos released slightly different versions of essentially the same fawning ovation for Dick and his “long career of public service” — Kamala Harris, Nancy Pelosi, Bill Clinton, et al.

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The New York Times’ obituary, lauding Cheney as the “Voice of Resistance,” was perhaps the most unbecoming of all the tributes to the man who made his final escape from the noose last week, never to face any justice — here on Earth, at least — for a lifetime of evil.

From “For Dick Cheney, a Journey From Champion of War to Voice of Resistance,” via The New York Times:

“When he left office in 2009 as the most influential vice president in history, Mr. Cheney was to many the embodiment of an unpopular and bloody war. By the time he died on Monday night, he had become an unlikely voice of resistance to what he saw as a different kind of threat to America, allied not just with those who had soured on him… but even with others who used to call him a war criminal.

It led to the head-spinning moment in 2022 when Mr. Cheney joined his daughter on the floor of the House as the only Republicans there to mark the first anniversary of the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol. Democrats who once considered Mr. Cheney the chief villain of Washington rushed up to greet him warmly. Representative Nancy Pelosi, the speaker who used to joust with Mr. Cheney, held his hand as she spoke with him. And it led to his statement last fall that he would vote for Vice President Kamala Harris over Mr. Trump…

He saw his opposition to Mr. Trump as consistent with a lifetime of defending the nation. To the former vice president, Mr. Trump was the antithesis of a true conservative, willing to burn down the constitutional house for his own self-aggrandizement and accumulation of power…

His statements and his appearance on the House floor prompted some Democrats to broaden their views of Mr. Cheney. “He put country above party and I think that was something I certainly respected,” Representative Steny H. Hoyer of Maryland, one of the Democrats who greeted him on the floor, said on Tuesday. “You saw a dad standing up for both principle and for family. You saw him in a different light.””

Their loyalty, of course, boils down to two main factors in the service of their own very narrow class interest:

· Dick Cheney was a lifelong creature of The Swamp who remained in good standing no matter how many trillions in public treasure he wasted, how many people he tortured in violation of the Constitution, how many civil liberties he eviscerated domestically in the name of “national security,” or how many people he killed. On the contrary, the more people he killed, the more money he funneled to defense contractors, and the more Constitutional provisions he set on fire, the more popular he became with the ruling class. And;

· He vehemently opposed the forces of populism that Donald Trump represented in 2015

That’s it; satisfy those two criteria, and the likes of Rachel Maddow and Nancy Pelosi will herald your legacy with nary a caveat to be found.

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I had already vowed never, ever, for any reason, to endorse or vote for a Democrat candidate for so much as dog catcher from now until Armageddon because of the horrors they perpetrated during COVID. But, if I were theoretically still open to supporting them, this bizarre spectacle from the campaign trail in October 2024 would have been the final nail in the coffin.

Some day, God willing, a rain will come to wash these demons into the abyss once and for all.

Benjamin Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile (now available in paperback), is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

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